You Might Have Too Many Kids If…
How do you know if you have too many kids? Is it the point at which the number of kids is more than the number of parents’ hands for holding? Or is it when you can’t reasonably fit any more kids in the car without adding extra seating in the trunk?
It is probably a different number for everyone, but here are some telltale signs:
When you leave the house, there is always someone missing an article of clothing.
It is too hard and too hectic getting out of the house when you have a brood of kids. Invariably someone is not dressed appropriately.
One time after leaving a movie theater in Alabama I noticed that Number 3 didn’t have any shoes on. I assumed he had taken them off while watching the movie and dragged everyone back in. After searching the sticky floor with no luck, I finally asked him if he had taken his shoes off in the theater. He said no, he had left them at home!
And don’t even ask me about how many times they haven’t worn underwear!
You see people mentally counting the kids as you walk by.
It happens all the time. We walk by a group of people or head towards a table in the restaurant, and you see heads turn and eyes pass over each child. You can practically see the numbers lighting up in their eyes as they count 1..2…3…4…5. Some people even nod their heads with each count.
Speaking of restaurants…gratuity is automatically added to your bill.
Yup, sometimes when just my family goes out to dinner, gratuity is automatically included for us. We are a party!
Costco is your regular grocery store.
When we were the parents of a singleton (for a precious two years) we joined a grocery wholesale club. I think it was BJ’s. It was disappointing because the only things we could reasonably buy there were diapers and wipes. Everything else came in quantities that were much too large for our small family to handle.
These days we are regular customers at Costco. And I mean regular. They want me to buy 5 loaves of bread and 4 pounds of strawberries at once? No problem! And I will be back again next week for more.
You can’t remember which school they are in, who their teacher is or their birth date.
My kids are in four different schools. Count them – 4. I am lucky if I remember where the schools are, never mind who goes where. And my worst fear? When I do remember who goes where and call the school to report one of them absent, the secretary asks me who their teacher is and I stutter out a list of teachers’ names.
I know my children’s birth date – I really do! But I can only recite them in age order, so don’t ask me to spontaneously come up with the birth dates for Numbers 2-5.
Someone is always unhappy.
I loved the Brady Bunch when I was younger. And I guess my dreams of a large family were built around them. I expected the occasional spat between the kids, but for the most part I dreamed of us coexisting in harmony, happily spending time together in the house and on outings.
That almost never happens.
It is impossible to please 7 people all the time, or even 50 percent of the time. Even more impossible when 5 of those are little people with undeveloped prefrontal cortexes. I never anticipated the effect of having a Debbie Downer (albeit different Debbie Downer) at each and every one of our family moments – it can be frustrating.
You never use the right name.
I never call a kid by the right name the first time. Sometimes I even call them by the dogs’ names. And if I am upset, I go through a whole litany of names before I settle on the right one.
This is how I know I have too many kids, how about you?