Polygamy is Looking Pretty Good Right Now
Let’s get one thing straight: there is no way I want a second husband. One is plenty.
But a wife? I think I need one of those.
Lately I have woken up every morning with a twinge of panic. I look at the day’s schedule and wonder if there is any conceivable way I can get everything done. Last Monday was a great example.
Or Wednesday. I had to pick Number 2 up from band at 4:00, drop Number 1 at church for an outreach project at 4:30, bring Number 3 to lacrosse at 5:00, pick up Number 1 at 5:30, pick up Number 3 at 6:30 and bring Numbers 3 and 4 to gymnastics at 7:00. Theoretically it could be done, just looking at the times. But it required the logistics of a space shuttle launch to have all the appropriate gear ready at the right times, while also making sure homework got done, animals got fed, kids got fed and the evening ended at a reasonable hour with a house that didn’t look like a bomb had gone off in it. Never mind that Number 5 and I lived in the car for 4 hours.
I look at these days and wonder, how did I do this before when I also worked full-time (outside the home)? The answer is pretty obvious: when we moved to Portland with 4 kids and I started working in the lab again, I hired a nanny (an awesome nanny). And having a nanny is a lot like having a wife.
So that’s my solution.
Looking for efficient, well-organized wife to help run household of 5 crazy children and a menagerie of animals. Must be able to multi-task, keep a cool head when bedlam ensues, and spend long hours in the car without going crazy. Cooking skills are appreciated. Will act as back-up for first wife and complement her deficiencies in cleaning and organization. Must be able to put in long hours. Pay will never equate all that you do. Benefits include undying gratitude and appreciation from first wife.
Blogging my way from A to Z as part of the 2014 April A to Z Challenge!