• Travel
  • Contact
  • Home Alternative IV
rebecca.tirabassi@gmail.com
Login

Login
Mad Scientist.Crazy Mom Mad Scientist.Crazy Mom
  • Parenting
  • Educational
  • Science
  • Science with Kids
  • Five Maples Farm

I Miss Being a Badass

Mar 4, 2013 | Crazy times, Parenting |
Picture of the ultimate badass, Wonder Woman. photo credit: levork via photopin cc

photo credit: levork via photopin cc

Being a SAHM has its perks.  I was never a clothes horse, and although working in the lab didn’t require me to dress up, staying at home has allowed me to relax my dress code even further.  The frantic morning rush now only involves me getting the kids to the bus on time and not trying to get them and myself ready.  I am not constantly trying to juggle a work schedule and kid schedules.

And there are so many great days when I can just let the day unfold as it will and let the children and their imaginations direct our life.  I love those days.

But when I sit back and reflect about the changes my life has taken over the past 9 months since I stopped working in the lab, I realize that I do miss some things.  And the thing I miss the most right now is being a badass (or at least feeling like I am a badass).

I miss the feeling of striding confidently into work knowing that I have the skills to handle whatever the day might bring.  I miss feeling competent, knowing that I was trained to do the tasks at hand. I wish I could have a day again when I have laser-sharp focus for several hours on a single thing. I miss finishing something, wrapping it up and putting it away, knowing it was my best work.

There are so many times as a parent that I just feel damn incompetent. I have not been prepared to deal with mind-numbing tasks, incessant whining, repeating myself a  hundred times a day, feeling my brain go to mush, and keeping my cool when 3 children are having meltdowns and screaming in my face.

I wish I had been trained better to deal with nightmare shopping trips dragging 5 kids through the stores, the relentlessness of kids, the reality that with a large family, it is almost a given that at any point, someone will be unhappy.

I struggle with trying to see the importance in everyday life. Spouse spends his days operating on and saving children. I spend mine running errands, chauffeuring kids around, playing with Playdoh, saying no to screen time, and negotiating peace treaties in the ongoing 3 Year Lego War.

I also struggle with the fact that there is no tangible reward system to gauge my progress.   I have always considered myself a marathon type of person, rather than a sprinter, not requiring regular affirmations, but able to keep going knowing that in the end it will be worth it.  It is one of the traits that made me a good scientist.  I just never imagined how long the parenting marathon is. If I had a magic ball and I could see into the future and know that my kids were happy and healthy and doing something good in the world, it might make me feel better.

I  know deep down in my heart that raising my children is more important than anything I could do in a lab.  I also know that I am the only person uniquely qualified for the job:  I am their only mother.  But it is still hard.

When I was pregnant with Number 1, I used to take a walk every night down our street where I met an elderly neighbor.  I would stop and talk to her and she would tell me about the multiple children she lost, the ones she couldn’t carry to full term.  She also told me about her son, the one that did make it, and how much joy he brought to her life.

One day she said to me, you are doing a great job.  I asked her what she was talking about.  She said, a great job carrying that child.  I just thought you should know, that you are doing good.

I think of what she said a lot.  Six little words that said she noticed me, acknowledged I was doing something important and that I was good at it.  And that it made me feel great; like a badass.

Maybe I don’t need to go to work to feel that way again.  Maybe I just need to recognize that I am doing good.  One Lego War peace treaty at a time.

Related Posts

  • K. Water KefirK. Water Kefir
  • Toilet Training for DummiesToilet Training for Dummies
  • CrunchTime – A New Culinary Reality ShowCrunchTime – A New Culinary Reality Show
  • 10 Ways Being a Scientist is Like Parenting10 Ways Being a Scientist is Like Parenting
Sovrn

Share this:

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Google+ (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)
0
Share

You also might be interested in

CrunchTime – A New Culinary Reality Show

Feb 8, 2013

My children love the Food Network! I like them watching[...]

K. Water Kefir

Apr 13, 2016

I'm probably coming a little late to the natural gastrointestinal[...]

Toilet Training for Dummies

Feb 15, 2013

I have a confession to make. Don't laugh, but I[...]

Follow & Subscribe

Instagram

Instagram has returned invalid data.

Follow Me!

Looking for a Particular Post?

Most Commented Posts

  • We’ve Moved! Welcome to the Tirabassi Farm By Rebecca on June 3, 2013 16
  • I Miss Being a Badass By Rebecca on March 4, 2013 14
  • Why I Believe in Global Vaccination By Rebecca on February 13, 2013 13
  • My Favorite Herpes Facts By Rebecca on February 20, 2013 13
  • The Coop that Spouse Built By Rebecca on January 10, 2014 12

Categories

Archives

About Me

profile

Mother & Scientist

I'm a displaced scientist looking for the science in raising kids and starting a farm.

Contact Us

We're currently offline. Send us an email and we'll get back to you, asap.

Send Message

© 2022 · Mad Scientist.Crazy Mom Theme by HB-Themes.

Prev Next