Toddler Toilet Tricks
Oh the shenanigans a toddler can do in the bathroom!
One of my least favorite, but necessary, things to do is to heed nature’s call with a toddler in tow. I go to great lengths to avoid this, but sometimes the deed must be done.
Toddlers have an instinctive ability to know that you are at your most vulnerable while sitting on the porcelain throne. They also know that they are in control of the situation, at least for a little bit. The combination of these two things leads to a giddy headiness as they become drunk with freedom. No amount of hissing under your breath or threats of time-outs can stop their actions as they dance merrily just out of your reach.
Here are a few of the tricks my toddler has in his arsenal:
The Peek-a-Boo. The peek-a-boo can be performed at any point in your bathroom encounter – while you are waiting in line, doing your business or washing your hands. You look over and your toddler is looking under the stall door saying “hi” to the unfortunate recipient of his/her attentions.
The Peeping Tom. The peeping tom is a more mature version of the peek-a-boo. Rather than ducking their heads down for a brief look, they stare at other people through the cracks in the stall walls.
Toilet Bowl Obsession. Some kids are just fascinated by the bowl itself. They like to try and throw things in or dip their fingers in. Spouse tells me that it is even worse with urinals.
The Blow-By-Blow. Ever notice how a toddler’s voice carries? It seems to be even louder in public restrooms as they recite every step of your bathroom engagement. “Your going pee mom.” “You have big poop, mom.” “Now you’re wiping.”
The Helper. I always love it when my toddler decides he is going to “help” me go the bathroom. Dutifully he tears off miniscule scraps of toilet paper and tries to shove them into the toilet while I am, ahem, occupied.
The Trash Man. The metal trash bin for feminine products draws toddlers like a light draws moths. They enjoy trying to bang the lid repeatedly as well as asking in a very loud voice, “what is this for?”
The Flusher. Toddlers will flush the toilets continuously if you let them. And I wouldn’t mind letting them do it if it prevented them from doing some of their other tricks. However I draw the line at them doing it while I am physically trying to go to the bathroom.
The Lock Picker. I can’t count the number of times I have pleaded with and cajoled a toddler about to open the stall door and expose me to the world. Once they learn they can unlock the door, going to the bathroom becomes a race – can I finish before they get the door open?